THAT ONE TIME THOR LOST HIS MANHOOD- I MEAN HIS HAMMER

NIGHT IN ASGARD. EVERYONE IS ASLEEP.

Thrym: AHAHA, I am Thrym, King of the Ogres, and I am up to no good debauchery!

THRYM CONTINUES TO T.P. ASGARD

Thrym: Because I am completely intelligent, I am going to put shaving cream in everyone's hands and then tickle their noses! HA! They will not EVER figure this out!

STOPS SPRAY PAINTING "THRYM WAZZ HEARE" ON WALL AND GOES TO GET SHAVING CREAM. PEEKS IN FIRST ROOM, READY TO CAUSE "MAYHEM"

Thrym: Oops, this is Freyja's room! She's actually pretty hot... I could totally kidnap her right now and force her to be my wife! Or I could just stare at her... *keeps staring* Wow. She's really hot. Maybe one day I will be able to come up with some completely random and totally stupid way to make her marry me, but for now, I'll just let her sleep.

LEAVES. FINDS THOR'S ROOM NEXT. THOR IS ASLEEP

Thrym: OH EHM GEE, IT'S THOR! I'm totes gonna steal his hammer!

THRYM, GIGGLING LIKE A FIVE YEAR OLD SCHOOL GIRL, SNEAKILY STEALS THE HAMMER AND LEAVES  IN HIS VERY LOUD HUMMER. THE NEXT MORNING.

Thor: I AM A MANLY MAN! I AM READY FOR THE DAY! I'M GONNA WORK OUT, BASH SOME SKULLS IN, AND-- wait, where's my hammer? *looks around* Hammer? HAMMER! Hammer, where are you?! *frantically throws things around searching for the hammer*

Loki: Hey Thor, I heard your usual morning war cry and then you stopped yelling, so I-- what are you doing on the floor?

Thor: *sniffle* I'm not crying, if that's what's you're implying.

Loki: ...Yeah, okay. As the god of lying and mischief, I can totally endorse that. But seriously, tell me why you're pouting like that.

Thor: *dramatic pause* ... I CAN'T FIND MY HAMMER!

Loki: Wow, that is totally a valid reason for lying despondently on your floor in hysterics! And this is obviously the best solution in such a case!

Thor: *sniffles* Yeah, I know...

Loki: Oh my Odin, GET OVER HERE. Man up and wipe those stupid tears off your face before I have to punch them off. Now, are you positive that it's not here? Because I usually have to find all of your stupid stuff, regardless of the fact that it's pretty much because I'm the one that hides it all.

Thor: *grabs Loki* ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU TOOK MY HAMMER?! *shakes Loki severely* GIVE IT BACK TO ME! GIVE MY BABY BACK!

Loki: Thor! Stop it, man! For once, I'm not lying! Cut it out! Look, there's a ransom note over there!

Thor: *drops Loki* Oh my Odin, look at this! A ransom note!

Loki: Wait, there was really a note there?

Thor: What should we do?

Loki: We should totally NOT call a meeting.

Thor: Okay.

Loki: ... Oh my-- I AM THE GOD OF LYING, THOR. Now move it!

EVERYONE GATHERS TOGETHER. LOKI READS THE LETTER

Loki: "Hey, I have your hammer and I totes hid it, but not under my mattress, so don't look there. Because you won't find it there. At all. I could give it back to you if you let me marry that hottie Freyja, but until then it will stay under my mattress hidden. See you, losers!" ...Well then. Not only is this "king" incredibly dense, he's a horrible liar. I would know. Now, let's go snag it from under his mattress so that Thor will stop crying.

Thor: I'M NOT CRYING! I'm just sweating through my eyes...

Odin: NO! We need to deal with this situation in an entirely irrational and complicated matter. We're gods. It's what we do.

Freyja: OMG, I am like soooooo totally not marrying that icky ogre! He's like, gross and stuff!

Thor: But you have to! I need my baby back! *whimper*

Freyja: Ewwww, well then why don't you just marry him instead?

Odin: Freyja!

Loki: Oh, thank Asgard, finally someone has some sense!

Odin: That is a brilliant idea!

Loki: ...I'm sorry, what?

Odin: Thor, you can dress up as your sister and then pretend to marry Thrym! It is ingenious and cannot fail at all! You can take Loki with you, and everything will be restored to the natural order of things!

Loki: Um, NO, everything will be DOOMED. That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard!

Thor: I agree. I don't want to wear a dress! Please don't make me wear a dress, Daddy! I don't want to do it! *bursts into tears*

Odin: YOU ARE GOING AND THAT IS FINAL!

Loki: Screw you all. One day I'm totally going to do something to endanger all of you and make you hate me as much as I hate all of you right now. Maybe I'll become a stereotypical comic book villain and try to destroy an entire planet just to make my adoptive father love me more than his actual son, even though that clearly accomplishes absolutely nothing.

Thor: White isn't a very slimming color on me.

LOKI AND "FREYJA" FINALLY ARRIVE AT THRYM'S HOUSE, WHERE HE IS HOSTING HIS "X-TREME BACHELOR PARTYYYY" AND "ULTIMATE WEDDING FIESTA"

Thrym: OH EHM GEE, Freyja! You look so... so...

Loki: Masculine?

Thrym: Hot. Like even hotter than that time I totally sat in your room for forever and watched you sleep!

Loki: ...That is totally not creepy at all.

Thrym: So baby, help yourself to this delicious food. And I'll see you at the altar... *expression that is clearly an attempt at seduction*

Loki: I fear I may vomit...

THOR WANDERS AWAY AND PROCEEDS TO EAT ALL THE FOOD AND DRINK ALL THE BEER

Thrym: WOAH... My baby has a hefty appetite! You eat like a MAN!

Loki: Well, we've been traveling for forever. Don't you think she's going to be a little hungry?

Thrym: That is completely understandable! I don't suspect any foul play at all, even though this dainty love/sex/fertility goddess just downed an entire keg of beer in three gulps!

Loki: Wow. You really are stupider than you look.

Thrym: Yeah, so Freyja, baby, do you totally wanna go spoon for a little bit behind the- HOLY ODIN, what is wrong with your eyes?! They're all red and fiery!

Loki: An idiot would believe it's because she's really tired.

Thrym: Okay! Sounds about right to me!

Loki: SHE DOES NOT EVEN HAVE BREASTS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!

Thrym: So Freyja, wait here for just a second while I go get Thor's hammer out from under my mattress. Your little messenger dude can totes take it back to Asgard for me.

Loki: Under his mattress. Did you hear that? It was UNDER his MATTRESS. And none of you believed me! None of you! You could have avoided this WHOLE THING if someone had simply LISTENED TO ME!!!!!

Thor: I changed my mind. I actually do enjoy this shade of white. It may not be very slimming, but it accentuates my curves.

Loki: ...I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Thrym: Okay, so here's the hammer!

Thor: *throwing off disguise* SUPER ULTRA MEGA LIGHTNING POWER ACTIVATE!

Loki: Dear Odin, again with the theatrics?

Thrym: Wait, what?

THOR KILLS EVERYONE. HE AND LOKI GO BACK HOME. THOR YELLS A LOT MORE BECAUSE HE HAS HIS HAMMER BACK AND HAS TO "PROVE HIS MANLINESS". EVERYONE REMAINS AN IDIOT EXCEPT FOR LOKI. LOKI STILL DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE ON THAT PLANET ANYMORE

THE END

Where do all you people come from?

No, seriously, tell me where you come from.

I've had 271 page views total, some of which are from Russia and Germany. While that's totes awesome, how the heck did you find my blog? It's not that I don't appreciate the blog views- in fact, I generally whine about not having enough- but I have no clue what you're looking at in order to find my blog.

Am I on some obscure blogging website somewhere that recommends people read silly blogs? Are you people just spammers? Is my computer going to die because spammers looked at it? Are you guys actually Interpol? If so, can you recruit me to be a secret agent? Because think about it- who is going to suspect someone as totally inept as I am to be a spy? You could give me a laser and a jet pack, and I could become "THE STEAM PUNK!" because I would be a punk, and I'd have this great jet pack I could use. It's a brilliant idea, and you know it. So think about it, Interpol. You have my email address.

Anyways, are people actually TALKING about my blog? I hope it's in a good way. But a bad way could be okay, too.
Example:
"Hey, what are you looking at?"
"This great blog! You should read it!"
"Oh man, this is HILARIOUS! How do you find this stuff?! All I find are crappy blogs about indecisive teenagers."
"Really? Crappy blogs about indecisive teenagers? I find that hard to believe..."
"It's true! Look! *pulls up my blog*"

And just like that, I have another page view. BOOM! And maybe that person will actually like my blog. YOU NEVER KNOW.

So, in other words, if you don't actually know me (aka, found this blog other than my slathering it all over my Facebook page) please, please, PLEASE, I am BEGGING YOU, tell me how you found this blog. You will get free cyber hugs and lots of gold stars if you tell me through my email or by commenting. It'll only take ten seconds to earn my eternal gratitude. That's worth it, right?

I swear I'm actually working on stuff

I have an actual post I'm working on, as well as (maybe) posting some writing. I'm also considering opening a fanfiction.net account, or whatever because it looks like a tumblr is not ahead in the forseeable future. No role-playing adventures for me :S

Instead, I'll leave you with this thought: Sutton Foster.

That is all :)

I'm pretty sure all fictional French men are creepers

Yes, you read that right. I am pretty sure all fictional French men are creepers. How did I come to this conclusion? You tell me.



The Beast
Not much is as creeper as that picture right there. That just SCREAMS "creeper". Anyways, he has a magical mirror that he uses to see the outside world. Let me rephrase that: he has a mirror that lets him spy on people. Any time. Any place. Any where. AND YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW. Creeeeeeeeper....

Gaston
In a way, Belle should be flattered that Gaston tried to blackmail force gain her hand in marriage. After all, he did manage to see her over the vast mass that was his ego. Basically, if a man wants you bad enough that he has to kill your crush-that-you-don't-even-realize-you-love-yet, barge into your house to "propose" by shoving his nasty feet in your face, and threaten to throw both you AND your dad in the insane asylum, he's pretty much a creeper.

Frollo
Do I have to spell this one out for you? HE BURNT DOWN PARIS SO HE COULD GET IT ON WITH A GIRL. And not only that, but she was "gypsy scum," one of the people he was trying to eliminate. And she clearly told him where to go SEVERAL TIMES before he went all derpy "SAVE ME MARIA, SHE'S TOO HAWT!" let's-go-burn-down-Paris crazy. So I have no clue how you can NOT call Creepy Old Man a creeper.

Marius
Okay, I will be completely honest: I'm not all that familiar with Les Miserables. But suffice it to say that if some random dude walked up to me in a park and confessed his undying love before even telling me his name, I would be pretty terrified. And give him a fake name. And a fake address. And a fake phone number/email address. And then I would make sure he didn't follow me home. I wouldn't confess my new undying love for him ON THE SPOT. But whatever. Maybe I'm just crazy.

Cyrano de Bergerac
*sigh* As much as it pains me to admit it, Mr. Perfect is indeed a creeper. He stalked Roxanne for... what, his entire life before deciding to confess his love for her? And then he let some other dude get the credit for his awesome love notes so she won't diss him to his face because he couldn't handle his life if she wasn't in it. Sounds pretty bad, right? Don't lie to me, it totally does. Well, it gets WORSE. After the husband of the love of his life is killed, he creeped around Roxanne until the second he died. LITERALLY. HE LITERALLY DIES RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. Yuppers, he's a creeper.

Erik, aka The Phantom of the Opera
The original creeper and (obviously) my favorite! Poor, poor Opera Ghost. He never knew love, and the second there was something beautiful in his life, he became addicted to it. Thus, he did the only thing natural: kidnapped the love of his life, threatened to kill her boyfriend, and told her that if she wouldn't marry him he would completely obliterate the entire opera house in a flaming blaze of pyrotechinic glory even though she was, like, seventeen and he was in his forties. Did I mention he came in through her mirror? Well, he did. Did I also mention that he's a trained ex-ninja assassin? Well, he totally is. So not only is he the most-stalkery person on the list, he is also the most qualified.



So, that's my list of creepy French fictional men.

I promise I will never torture you like this AGAIN

I drew this on Paint with only my touch pad.

... No unkind words, please. Ladle (pictured) is very sensitive. And you'll probably be seeing a lot more of her in the future, so I would refrain from criticizing her.

After all, she has a ladle and she's not afraid to use it.
... Usually.




Expect pictures very similar to this in the future, except not-suckish and totally drawn by hand with a pencil and NOT digital in any way, shape, or form. (Which secretly makes me sad. WHY? WHY CAN'T I DRAW DIGITALLY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!)

At least it isn't a random picture of, like, Rick Moranis or something.

He's in my mind, all right. And I am NEVER letting him go

Remember my one post a week goal? And ONLY one post a week? Yeah, that's not gonna happen, because I found something I need to talk about.

Or, rather, some ONE.

Ramin. Freaking. Karimloo.

Oh my gosh, man, could you BE any more attractive?!?! First there's the whole "you are extremely attractive thing" and then the whole "you made me cry because you totally NAILED Erik's character" and then releasing a country/rock CD in March? ... I think I have a new celebrity crush.

And he's only 16 years older than me.

... My other celebrity crush is 14 years older than me.

So what's 3 extra years?

Then again, Ramin is Canadian and Andrew Lee-Potts is British...

Whatever. Ramin can sing. He wins.


On a different note, I totally loved the entire performance. Sierra was... Let me put it this way: I SAW CHRISTINE'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Yeah. It was pretty intense. And the guy who played Raoul? Hadley Fraser? He was awesome. Seriously, it was like Raoul woke up and said "I think I'll put my man-pants on today!" AND BOY DID HE! He was like "DUDE, STEP OFF MY TROPHY WIFE, FOOL!" and then the Phantom was all "Honestly, boy, your intelligence is utterly astounding. After all, YOU FORGOT TO KEEP YOUR HAND AT THE LEVEL OF YOUR EYES, IMBECILE." Yeah, I loved it.

And the costumes/set/makeup? Oh gosh. They were so amazing. I honestly have no words for how beautiful it was. Like, I want Christine's blue dress and her cape SO BAD, you have no idea.

To everyone who reads this: please please PLEASE find this and watch it. PLEASE. It was so much better than the movie, and had more references to the original story. THEY MENTIONED PERSIA, YOU GUYS. PERSIA. And they kind of referenced his torture chamber, too. Everything together was so perfect, I cried. Several times. And I'm not ashamed to admit it, you know why? Because this is my story. The story that introduced me to the man who could have held the empire of the world, and had to content himself with a cellar. That story. I get it. I really do. I love it so much it hurts sometimes. I'm one of those crazy "phans" who goes around screaming "I CHOOSE YOU, SCORPION!" at the top of my lungs, and I don't care how many people look at me funny because I know that 90 percent of the female population would actually agree with me if they knew what the heck I was talking about.


Erm, anyways...

Seriously, go watch this. I will forever have Ramin's voice floating around in my head because of it.

And unlike Christine, I cannot see anything negative about this.

Kylie knowing how to blog? HILARIOUS!

For those who decide to follow my blog, let me break it down.

*dances horribly*


Okay. Now let me tell you about the dealio with my blog.

The blogs I follow are a select few. Why? Because I don't find random people's blogs and start reading them, mostly because I have no clue how the Internet works. Anyways, the blogs I DO follow were found through Sparklife, and I decided that since Sparklife was so uber fantastic, I might as well try reading these other blogs. And that, my friends, is how I discovered Dan Bergstein and Megan Prietzel's blogs.

And let me just say, I do not regret A SINGLE MOMENT spent reading these blogs.

The longer I read these blogs, the more I thought "I like to write. I can say funny things. Why don't I start a blog?" And that's when that little monster called Lack of Confidence emerged and was all "U R UH LOOSER. DONT DOOO IT. U'LL MESS UPP & BE ALL LAUGHED AT & STUFFF..."

Well, guess what Lack of Confidence? I DID screw up! HA!
... Wait

Okay, whatever. I can do this. So far, it's Internet:1 Kylie:0 but THINGS CAN CHANGE!



My goal is to blog every week, and occasionally throw in awesome little segment things; for example, I plan to show off my totally rad art skills on here. They are SO rad that everyone will be ready to, like, buy my art for a million dollars the second they see it. They won't even know what it is. They'll just see the color red and be all "A TRILLION DOLLARS RIGHT NOW! Aw, it's a puppy! <3" That's how good my art is.

I plan on other segments, but I don't want to say anything at the moment in case I change my mind and decide not to do them.

So, in essence... I'm desperately trying to figure out this whole blogging thing. Hopefully it goes well. Cross your fingers and wish me luck! Or just tell me I suck. That could happen, too...