Dwarfs are not footballs or firewood, Thor. I thought you would have figured this out by now.

So I'm looking up Norse mythology because I'm bored and I have no life, when I come across the myth of the death of Baldr. It's an interesting story... And then comes the twist.

Thor is an idiot.

Like, a really big idiot.

Like, he kicks a dwarf.

For no reason.

Into Baldr's funeral pyre.

And he burned to death.



Now answer me this: WHY WOULD ANYONE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!



Thor! Just let the dwarf walk past you in peace, man! What did he do to you? Answer: NOTHING. This does not make anyone like you any more; in fact, I'd say it makes them like you less.


Seriously, Thor. Seriously. I don't want to know what you'd be like as a crossing guard.


Thor: Hey kids! Great day, isn't it! *kid brushes past him* AAAAAUGH, YOU LITTLE PUNK! YOU TOUCHED ME! *throws innocent kid into oncoming traffic*


And I don't even want to THINK about what it would be like if he had children! Thor, you are, like, the worst role model EVER.



Wait. No. It isn't Thor who's to blame here. It's Daddy Odin.

Daddy Odin, why did you just stand there and watch as your son punted a midget into a bonfire? Were you too busy being sad? Were you sad that your other little boy died, hm? Well, I'm sorry, but you don't cry over the series finale of Desperate Housewives when your kid is in the kitchen experimenting on puppies with thermite. THAT'S JUST NOT HOW THINGS WORK.

Look Daddy Odin, I'm not trying to say that your son's death wasn't tragic, because it was. All I'm saying is that you can't teach your kids to kick dwarfs into funeral pyres. That's not too much to ask, is it?



Now is the time I would usually talk about how Loki's still the only sane one here, but, you know, there's the whole "this is entirely his fault" thing going on, so my point would be moot.









But I still like Loki the best.