Some weird stuff goin' on round here

Okay, everyone. You know how I'm obsessed with things and people? Well, I realized something completely and totally significant the other day.

Something that has changed my life and how I define myself.









Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the MOST STUNNING....


THE MOST LIFE-CHANGING....


THE MOST INCREDIBLE TURN OF EVENTS IN THE HISTORY OF EVER!!!









And that news is:













Loki and Erik, aka the Phantom of the Opera, are tied as my favorite fictional characters.















My self identity is gone. I am no longer who I thought I was.








Tom Hiddleston, I blame you...

Dwarfs are not footballs or firewood, Thor. I thought you would have figured this out by now.

So I'm looking up Norse mythology because I'm bored and I have no life, when I come across the myth of the death of Baldr. It's an interesting story... And then comes the twist.

Thor is an idiot.

Like, a really big idiot.

Like, he kicks a dwarf.

For no reason.

Into Baldr's funeral pyre.

And he burned to death.



Now answer me this: WHY WOULD ANYONE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!



Thor! Just let the dwarf walk past you in peace, man! What did he do to you? Answer: NOTHING. This does not make anyone like you any more; in fact, I'd say it makes them like you less.


Seriously, Thor. Seriously. I don't want to know what you'd be like as a crossing guard.


Thor: Hey kids! Great day, isn't it! *kid brushes past him* AAAAAUGH, YOU LITTLE PUNK! YOU TOUCHED ME! *throws innocent kid into oncoming traffic*


And I don't even want to THINK about what it would be like if he had children! Thor, you are, like, the worst role model EVER.



Wait. No. It isn't Thor who's to blame here. It's Daddy Odin.

Daddy Odin, why did you just stand there and watch as your son punted a midget into a bonfire? Were you too busy being sad? Were you sad that your other little boy died, hm? Well, I'm sorry, but you don't cry over the series finale of Desperate Housewives when your kid is in the kitchen experimenting on puppies with thermite. THAT'S JUST NOT HOW THINGS WORK.

Look Daddy Odin, I'm not trying to say that your son's death wasn't tragic, because it was. All I'm saying is that you can't teach your kids to kick dwarfs into funeral pyres. That's not too much to ask, is it?



Now is the time I would usually talk about how Loki's still the only sane one here, but, you know, there's the whole "this is entirely his fault" thing going on, so my point would be moot.









But I still like Loki the best.

This is the funniest thing of my entire life

So I'm pretty sure this blog is turning into one giant "I LOVE TOM HIDDLESTON AND LOKI AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM FOREVER AND EVER AMEN" post or something.

And I don't care.



BUT FOR REALS, I was listening to music the other day while brushing my teeth (because that's not weird at all) and this song pops up on my iPod. And because my mind constantly follows a logical train of thought, I started thinking about Loki.

And then I started laughing so hard I almost choked on my toothbrush and fell onto the floor crying.

IT IS MORE PERFECT THAN "MEAN" YOU GUYS. IT IS, LIKE, LOKI'S THEME SONG.

I mean, I'm laughing just thinking about it now.




... I have no life.

Loki channels Taylor Swift

Because nobody knows emotions like Taylor Swift does.

What song works better for Loki than "Mean" by T Swizzle? I mean really, he's like a giant angry five year old who was just told that he's adopted and now all he really needs is a hug. Naturally he's going to be a bit angry with Thor, a.k.a. "Mr. Perfect" to Daddy Odin over there, for always trying to stop him, because we all know Loki does what he wants.

Anyways, here is my rewrite of the Taylor Swift song "Mean" as sung by Loki, complete with karaoke track. Learn it. Love it. Sing it all the time in random places and weird everyone else out.

You know I'm going to.




MEAN
You, with your words and friends
And swords and Mjölnir that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like I'm nothing
You tell me I can't do what I want
How I want or when I want it
You're picking on the better man
 
You think you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know, what you don't know...
 
Someday I'll be ruler of a big old city,
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me,
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?
 
You hate my switching sides,
Fight my wildfire lies and my humiliation
You think you're superior again
As if I don't already see that
Walk tall, put my staff down,
Try to wipe them out but I'll never impress you,
And I just wanna be the best again
 
I've always been pushed around,
Never told who I really was
But this cycle ends right now
And let's see what this new staff does
And now I  know what you don't know...
 
Someday I'll be ruler of a big old city,
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me,
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?
 
And I can see you years from now in Asgard
Talking about your latest battle
With that same big loud opinion
But nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old simple things
Drunk and raving on about how I'm "always wrong"
But all you are is mean
 
Yeah, and I do what I want!
I'm not lyin', you're pathetic and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean
 
But someday I'll be ruler of a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so?..
 
Someday I'll be ruler of a big ol' city (Why you gotta be so?..)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean (Why you gotta be so?..)
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me (Why you gotta be so?..)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?
 

That thing I forgot to mention

All the things I write on here are mine.

Do not take them.

The things that are not mine belong to their respective owners.

Thor belongs to Marvel and Europe.

The GIF's belong to Marvel and whoever made them.

Tom Hiddleston belongs to his own gorgeous self.


I meant to put these on here like a week ago, and totally forgot to.

Whoops!

Oh, and also the Once-ler belongs to Dr. Seuss and that one movie company.

Why are you reading this when you could be watching "The Avengers"?

Yup, it's movie review time! And what better way to kick off the weekend than with a review on the fantastic new Avengers movie?! I supply this answer: ACTUALLY WATCHING THE AVENGERS. Because that is where I would be right now if it was at all possible.

Not much compares to a midnight premiere of a movie. All the hardcore fans are there dutifully participating with their own kind in the ritualistic ceremonies of the nerd culture. While normally anti-social and reserved, it is in their own natural environment- such as a movie theatre at 11 o'clock at night- that these nerds are allowed to run freely, reverting back to their natural state.

And yes, this natural state usually involves cosplaying.

And if there's a super hot buff nerd running around without a shirt, cosplaying the Hulk... Well, nerd girls are sure to have the time of their lives.

In any case, I went with a fantastic group of friends to the 12:07 am showing of this movie, dressed up in my home-made Hawkeye shirt and ready to see if this movie lived up to my expectations.

I do believe these two GIF's completely summarize my entire experience:

See? I could just end the adventure here and I would be completely satisfied with my explanation BECAUSE IT WOULD BE ENTIRELY TOO ACCURATE.

But I won't, because you are all probably just dying to know exactly what I thought, and I can't disappoint my loyal fans.


So first off: Joss Whedon, you are brilliant. You are THE BEST. And you know what? I almost typed "THE BEAST" on accident, but it doesn't really matter because you are both. I swear, if ANYONE in the movie industry could personally tutor me for even, like, ten minutes on my writing, I would want it to be Joss Whedon. Seriously. Just kick Captain Hammer Thor off Asgard and give his spot to Joss.

Because he deserves it.


Secondly: the men in this movie. THE MEN. No shirtless guys this time, but who really needed it? Their uniforms were dashing enough. And if their looks were crap, it wouldn't matter, because they were all fantastic guys. I COULD ACTUALLY STAND CAPTAIN HAMMER THOR, GUYS. I DIDN'T WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE EVERY TIME HE SHOWED UP ON SCREEN. That, my dear friends, is what we like to call "a miracle". And on that note, let me just say this: AGENT "PHIL" COULSON IS MY FREAKING HERO. Not because he's attractive or anything but because he fits the very definition of a hero and he's one of the best agents either S.H.I.E.L.D or the universe could have asked for. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was actually Coulson who was really the first Avenger.


Last, and best of all, comes this: Tom Hiddleston.
Yeah. You heard me right.

Loki.

The bad guy.

He's the best.

Know why? This:

This is why. Every time that happened, I think my heart skipped a beat.

Tom Hiddleston, if you are reading this right now, I think you're amazing. You are my favorite villain, and I sincerely do feel the need to tell you this. You have beat out the Once-ler, Megamind, Brennan from Burn Notice, Dr. Horrible, Red Skull, and every other villain I have ever even sort-of liked in the history of ever. You were terrifying, hilarious, and when you told all those people to kneel before you I'm pretty sure I almost fell to my knees myself. You are amazing, and brilliant, and don't ever change, unless that change is improvement, but I don't think you CAN improve because you are already too awesome. And that's a fact.

And a note for Loki (the character now, mind you): alien armies are difficult to handle. FANGIRL armies, on the other hand, run on a very basic set of rules. They will do practically anything you ask for practically nothing, save the fact that they are working for you and you visit them from time to time. In fact, give your orders in person, that can almost guarantee your work gets done. We may not be as fast, or as strong, or as fancy, or as able, or as capable as the alien army you previously had, but we have... um... we have, uh... a different skill set? I mean, yes! We have a different skill set! Is Captain America going to want to hit a poor, defenseless girl? NO! We blend into the crowd, unlike your little alien buddies. We can be causing mayhem and destruction without being immediately recognisable, and can easily slip away into the background.

Nobody notices the nerd girls.

Nobody.

Just look at how many views my blog has.

The movie was packed with action, humor, and awesomeness, and is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen, let alone a superhero movie. I cannot wait for the day I can hold that DVD in my hand and frolic about the land, rainbows and sunshine flowing down as I giggle and cry and prance through the daisies.

Or maybe instead I'll be deactivating a satellite because Loki told me to.

YOU JUST NEVER KNOW...