Why are you reading this when you could be watching "The Avengers"?

Yup, it's movie review time! And what better way to kick off the weekend than with a review on the fantastic new Avengers movie?! I supply this answer: ACTUALLY WATCHING THE AVENGERS. Because that is where I would be right now if it was at all possible.

Not much compares to a midnight premiere of a movie. All the hardcore fans are there dutifully participating with their own kind in the ritualistic ceremonies of the nerd culture. While normally anti-social and reserved, it is in their own natural environment- such as a movie theatre at 11 o'clock at night- that these nerds are allowed to run freely, reverting back to their natural state.

And yes, this natural state usually involves cosplaying.

And if there's a super hot buff nerd running around without a shirt, cosplaying the Hulk... Well, nerd girls are sure to have the time of their lives.

In any case, I went with a fantastic group of friends to the 12:07 am showing of this movie, dressed up in my home-made Hawkeye shirt and ready to see if this movie lived up to my expectations.

I do believe these two GIF's completely summarize my entire experience:

See? I could just end the adventure here and I would be completely satisfied with my explanation BECAUSE IT WOULD BE ENTIRELY TOO ACCURATE.

But I won't, because you are all probably just dying to know exactly what I thought, and I can't disappoint my loyal fans.


So first off: Joss Whedon, you are brilliant. You are THE BEST. And you know what? I almost typed "THE BEAST" on accident, but it doesn't really matter because you are both. I swear, if ANYONE in the movie industry could personally tutor me for even, like, ten minutes on my writing, I would want it to be Joss Whedon. Seriously. Just kick Captain Hammer Thor off Asgard and give his spot to Joss.

Because he deserves it.


Secondly: the men in this movie. THE MEN. No shirtless guys this time, but who really needed it? Their uniforms were dashing enough. And if their looks were crap, it wouldn't matter, because they were all fantastic guys. I COULD ACTUALLY STAND CAPTAIN HAMMER THOR, GUYS. I DIDN'T WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE EVERY TIME HE SHOWED UP ON SCREEN. That, my dear friends, is what we like to call "a miracle". And on that note, let me just say this: AGENT "PHIL" COULSON IS MY FREAKING HERO. Not because he's attractive or anything but because he fits the very definition of a hero and he's one of the best agents either S.H.I.E.L.D or the universe could have asked for. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was actually Coulson who was really the first Avenger.


Last, and best of all, comes this: Tom Hiddleston.
Yeah. You heard me right.

Loki.

The bad guy.

He's the best.

Know why? This:

This is why. Every time that happened, I think my heart skipped a beat.

Tom Hiddleston, if you are reading this right now, I think you're amazing. You are my favorite villain, and I sincerely do feel the need to tell you this. You have beat out the Once-ler, Megamind, Brennan from Burn Notice, Dr. Horrible, Red Skull, and every other villain I have ever even sort-of liked in the history of ever. You were terrifying, hilarious, and when you told all those people to kneel before you I'm pretty sure I almost fell to my knees myself. You are amazing, and brilliant, and don't ever change, unless that change is improvement, but I don't think you CAN improve because you are already too awesome. And that's a fact.

And a note for Loki (the character now, mind you): alien armies are difficult to handle. FANGIRL armies, on the other hand, run on a very basic set of rules. They will do practically anything you ask for practically nothing, save the fact that they are working for you and you visit them from time to time. In fact, give your orders in person, that can almost guarantee your work gets done. We may not be as fast, or as strong, or as fancy, or as able, or as capable as the alien army you previously had, but we have... um... we have, uh... a different skill set? I mean, yes! We have a different skill set! Is Captain America going to want to hit a poor, defenseless girl? NO! We blend into the crowd, unlike your little alien buddies. We can be causing mayhem and destruction without being immediately recognisable, and can easily slip away into the background.

Nobody notices the nerd girls.

Nobody.

Just look at how many views my blog has.

The movie was packed with action, humor, and awesomeness, and is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen, let alone a superhero movie. I cannot wait for the day I can hold that DVD in my hand and frolic about the land, rainbows and sunshine flowing down as I giggle and cry and prance through the daisies.

Or maybe instead I'll be deactivating a satellite because Loki told me to.

YOU JUST NEVER KNOW...